drop-in sessions for peri/menopausal women

Any woman who has experienced or is experiencing perimenopause or menopause.

Fortunately thanks to the advocacy of women like Dr. Louise Newson and Davina McCall,  menopause is now being talked about more and is better understood.  But how many of us still suffer with the day to day reality of this transition or feel isolated and misunderstood?  How many of us feel lost, invisible and a bit clueless as to how to navigate this time in our lives?  

I have set up these sessions so that women have a safe place to come together.  Not only to bond and connect with other women going through the same things, but to offer new skills, practices and ways of working with the difficulties that the menopause brings many of us.

These drop-in sessions do NOT give out medical advice. Although I am a qualified counsellor, I am NOT a trained Medical Professional. These sessions aren't designed to share information about medication or psychiatric help.  They are a place for women to come together and practice mindful, self-compassion practices and exercises, meditation and movement.  

(If you need immediate help or feel unsafe please contact your GP or The Samaritans on 116 123, NHS urgent mental health support line or dial 999.)

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline  

When I hit my mid 40's, I started noticing that my moods were changing (for the worse).  I was becoming more forgetful, I couldn't find my words...or keys. I became more anxious and my sleep became affected.  I didn't feel "like me" and it wasn't until I was on a course with some other women, when one of them took me aside and said "I think you might be perimenopausal"...everything you're saying happened to me at your age too".  

Peri-what?  I had never heard of it. I'd heard of "The menopause"...The change", but associated it with old women, it sounded laughable to me.  But when I got home, I looked it up and sure enough found myself ticking every box on perimenopause lists.  It shocked me and I felt a flooding sense of my life being over and downhill from here. What did this mean?

It took me a while longer to build up the courage to go to the GP.  I'm sure my experience isn't universal and certainly wouldn't want to steer anyone away from talking to their GP, but my personal experience  hasn't been a positive one. I felt uncared for, not listened to and knew "anti-depressants" were not the solution for me.  With a history of cancer, I really needed expert advice before making decisions about the path I took going forward. More often than not, I'm sorry to say I left the GP feeling ashamed, frustrated, in tears and worse than when I went in.  

However...after attending a full day course at a menopause retreat and having an appointment at a Louise Newson clinic (online), I started to take back control.  (Reminder...I'm not here to advocate/discourage any medical path or give any medical advice at all.)  I have been on HRT for about 6 years now and it changes as I age and needs tweaking now and then, but on the whole I feel like myself again and realised that I needed to empower myself with information and support, to have more agency over my healthcare.  The more we come together and share our experiences and gain confidence talking about our peri/post-menopause journey, the more we can work WITH our GP's and healthcare providers in a constructive way.

But perimenopause isn't just about the medical side of our experience.  Often, our roles are changing as we age, our influence, our place in society and we can feel as though we have lost our vitality, our influence, our confidence.  

What DID really help me was teaching and practicing Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC).  Especially at the times when I thought I was losing my mind, concentration, felt terrifying rage and debilitating anxiety and depression.  I learnt how to de-personalise what was happening by using mindfulness, then respond to myself like I would a dear friend going through the same things. You'd be amazed at how much difference our inner voice makes: "this is unbearable, why is it always me that has it the hardest? I'm such a failure, I shouldn't be affected like this, other women aren't." is such a critical, harsh way to respond to our struggles.  So much kinder and more helpful is:  "Oh love, I'm so sorry you're having such a crap day and this feels so hard, what do I need right now in this moment?" .  Sometimes, that's all we need, to give us the lift we need to speak to healthcare providers, reach out to other women and cope with what we are going through in the wee small hours (and night sweats!)...

With MSC practices, we recognise our value and values, what's important, how we relate to ourselves and others and how we feel about ourselves.  It's also important to recognise the wisdom that ageing brings (and laugh together at the changes...I might be less tolerant now, but I rather enjoy not being willing to take other people's sh*t anymore!!!)

MSC isn't a magic wand, but the practices have been such a support that I now want to offer them to you.  Just knowing you're not alone goes a long way when you think you're going mad and don't know who you are or what to do anymore.

I don't believe women should have to "survive" a whole chunk of their lives in a state of sleepless anxiety, stress and endless physical symptoms on their own.  I want to see support groups like mine everywhere, so that women never have to go through the shame and confusion and mental health challenges that  menopause can bring with it, without bundles of support.

Self-Compassion practices are "Strongly predictive of well-being – people who are taught to be more self-compassionate tend to become less depressed, less anxious, are less likely to suffer from excessive shame or suicidal ideation. It results in an increase in positive emotions: optimism, hope for the future."**https://mi-psych.com.au/the-benefits-of-self-compassion/

These sessions will centre around Self-Compassion exercises but will also include other guided meditations, exercises, movement and laughter (and probably some tears...which are more than welcome!)

We want to cultivate a loving, caring relationship with these amazing bodies, where we look in the mirror and wonder at our beautiful faces.  Where we are grateful for the wisdom that comes with age, the experience and strength of heart which helps us support others and our communities.  

We really ARE wonder women! (We might just need to learn how to be our own best friend.)

(See the Mindful Self-Compassion page to get a better idea of what it's about, link below.)

Each drop in will last 90 minutes.  After saying hello, we will start to slow down with a brief settling practice.  We will then have a short talk or exercise followed by a longer practice.  So that everyone has a chance to connect more deeply, breakout rooms will follow the longer practice.  We will then come back to the larger group to share what we discovered and have a last sit and maybe a poem before we say goodbye.

The cost of each session is £15 and can be booked via the contact page, where you will be sent a reply email with payment details and joining instructions.  (Any issues doing this - just ask for help. We're not all tech savvy at the best of times!) Please put PMP in the subject.

• Do I need any experience?...no
• Do I have to sign up or come regularly?...no, come as often/little as you like
• Can I come in my pyjamas?...yes
• Will you give me HRT/medical advice?...no
• Will you make me talk?...no
• Can I bring a support buddy?...absolutely (they will need to pay £15 but pets are welcome for free!)
• What happens if I cry?...I have my tissues and might join you
• Will you recommend services/resources?...If I have used them myself and found them helpful yes, but only from my own subjective experience

"If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things,

THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG!"

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